he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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