After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
