Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
