Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Say something about gay babies.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You've changed since you got that strap on
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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