Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
