you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
