Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
