his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize