Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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