i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
