i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
