Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize