Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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