i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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