I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
