Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
