i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
