Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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