Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
