So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
