I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i think im in europe. pls send help
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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