I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize