if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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