Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
