When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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