There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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