I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
