thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I AM VODKA MAN
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize