I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I died a long time ago.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
