So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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