So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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