Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
