; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
