ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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