shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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