Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
