Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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