The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
