i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just had sex bonerless
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
