I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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