don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
