great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
