Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he fucked my hip out of place.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
