Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This is the high leading the old right now
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
