I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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