so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize