You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
