I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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