if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
