Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
