my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
