Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
