Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
