So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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