I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
