My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
