I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
