So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
