For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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