I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize