is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
