I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
