Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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