Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
