im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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