Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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