Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
