I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
