Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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