at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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